did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
