My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
