Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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