Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
