i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Who died my cat blue again?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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