So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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