Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Randomize
