okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
