How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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