I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
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All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
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well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
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