I just made out with a guy for $7.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize