I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
