Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
