i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
