but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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