And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
You ruined the universe
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
