Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Randomize
