so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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