glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Everyone says I win the strip club
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Randomize
