Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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