If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
