Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
