I wish you could order shots online.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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