i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
So vagazzling was a success
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
