dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
