Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
