first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
