I'm gonna have a badass scar
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
