she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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