I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
