do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
