If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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