you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Randomize
