he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
