meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
You smell like stripper and shame
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
