Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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