Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
