You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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