i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
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