I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
