How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
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