He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
