Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
