We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
