dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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