even my farts smell like vagina
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
