Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
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