I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
