my sisters under your porch take her home
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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