i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
