xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
