She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
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