I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
