WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
