I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
