My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
