dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
