The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize