Sry I called you an 8
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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