I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize