Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
