I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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