My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
