Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
