I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
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i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
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How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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