Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
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