I faked an abortion last night.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
It all started with a game of naked twister.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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