3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
