Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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