Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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