I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
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