Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
