It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
