ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
