lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
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