I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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